WICK NEWS SERVICE

BISBEE — Under a beautiful full moon on a small bit of grass in Old Bisbee, women who have suffered at the hands of their loved ones came together Thursday to remember the tough road they traveled as battered and abused victims.

They walked down Main Street, candles in hand, to share thoughts and hopes and remember those who were not as lucky.

Some women and children do not make it out alive. The ones who do manage to survive the physical beatings or the cruel verbal barrages have to struggle to find new meaning and build new dreams for themselves and their children.

It isn’t easy, and it can be frightening. The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is when she leaves, experts say. That is when most abusers can go berserk with the sole thought of ending the life of the women they said they would love forever.

The small gathering placed candles in the center of a circle and one by one began offering bits of their experiences and their new-found strength.

“Be aware and be very careful,” said Shannon. “I believe we are worthy of love and deserve to be happy.”

“Do whatever you can to get out,” said Lori. “I didn’t realize how much help there was for domestic violence victims. Now, I’m making changes in my life and they’re for the better.”

These two women were among some who the Wick News Service has only used first names or changed their names to protect their identities.

Nancy Weaver, however, shared her story using her name.

She knows about the chaos such abuse can cause. Even though it has been years since she freed herself, the pain of her time with her husband, what it cost her and what it did to her children will remain in her heart.

“I’d like to see domestic violence wiped completely from our lives,” she said.

Her son, now grown and with a son of his own, suffered abuse from the time he was 3 months old.

“No third-grader should get punched out for doing something wrong.” said Robert Bowling, who is Weaver’s son and was with her at Thursday evening’s event. “It was irrational. He was too violent to stay around. He was mean, violent and abusive. He had no control of his temper. We just did what we had to, to survive.”

Caryl Marie Brendle, a Victim Witness advocate, has been through a nightmare of a marriage.

“I wanted him to be the person I had fallen in love with, but he wasn’t that person,” she said. “He stalked me, and when I tried to get help from the police, he followed me to the police station. Finally, I escaped here to Bisbee. Later, I heard he had remarried and his wife shot him. Now he’s dead. That’s why I’ve become so committed to helping women who are victims of domestic violence.

“This affects generations. We have to protect ourselves and our children,” Brendle added.

While bruises and marks can heal and disappear, the anguish, emotional torture and degradation can take more of a toll on an abused woman. These scars are painful reminders of a past that haunts them the rest of their lives.

One woman, Sue, wrote in a letter how she suffered for years as she tried to cope with a husband who suddenly changed.

“He was so sweet and for the first years of our marriage, I could not have asked for a better husband,” she said.

“Then he changed. I didn’t know it at the time, but drugs were involved.”

Her fairy tale quickly turned dark as he lashed out at her for everything. Nothing she did was right. Even her children were telling her to divorce him. But it took a restraining order and the help of the Victim Witness Program to get him out of her life.

“I can’t believe I lived with him so long. I still have guilt issues for putting my kids through that,” Sue wrote.

While emotional abuse has no blood, no bruises, it still leaves scars that are slow to heal.

Bisbee Mayor Ron Oertle read a proclamation at the start of the evening’s candlelight vigil in front of the courthouse.

“This is a cause that needs more public attention,” the mayor said to those at the gathering.

“The more attention we can bring to the public, the more help we can give these women. Women need to take the lead and seek an end to the violence.”

Cochise County Attorney Ed Rheinheimer reminded the group of the not-too-distant past when wife beating was overlooked and ignored.

“Those of us old enough to remember the way it used to be, remember domestic violence as commonplace and to a large extent, acceptable. As time went on, we realized that domestic violence perpetuates itself. It passes down from generation to generation. Now we know a lot more than we did 20 or 30 years ago.

“Someday we might be able to end domestic violence. That’s why we’re here tonight on these courthouse steps. People all over the country are meeting and talking about this,” Rheinheimer said. “As prosecutors, we do what we can to help domestic violence victims … but we can do a better job.”