People read my column because they want to save money. Some want to save for a goal, such as investing or retirement, while others want to eliminate debt. Readers are always helpful and encouraging. Typically, new readers are pointed in the direction of tracking their spending and creating a budget. It’s hard to escape the numbers. But some folks have poor attitudes about money. Sometimes, they’re their own worst enemy. Their attitudes block them from reaching their goals. They’re simply not ready to listen. For some, their approach to money stems all the way back to how they were raised. In this case, the first step should be changing their attitude. One reader, Diana, said: “Although I have a good grip on money, spending and budgeting now, it was not always so. I had to face the music as to why I had this gnawing feeling inside of wanting to spend. Until I wrestled with that, the rest made little sense.” Bad attitudes most often include denial, lack of knowledge and entitlement.

Frugal living is a shift in thinking. It starts with separating wants from needs. It seems simple, but many people justify many wants as things they have to have. I have an example I call “Christmas Present Lady.” You might know someone similar. She’s the person who is in debt, can’t pay her bills, and is filing for bankruptcy. She asks for advice and help, but with every suggestion, she has a reason why it won’t work for her. Holiday gift-giving and a trip to Jamaica are priorities. She points out that her child will never be deprived. She is trying to keep up with the Joneses while filing for bankruptcy. She feels her child is entitled to more than she can afford. Her attitude prevents her from making positive changes that could prevent her from filing for bankruptcy. If you ever find yourself getting sucked into the “keeping up” trap, ask yourself, who am I trying to impress?

Sometimes, having a positive attitude isn’t enough. Job loss, high medical bills and natural disasters can be devastating. But a good attitude is the starting point in these situations, too. You aren’t what you own. Your worst situations don’t have to become your lifelong identity. It’s all in how you react to them. You can choose to let it hold you down, or you can use it as a catalyst for change. But you have to be willing to face your problems, make some hard choices, work for it, and not let your problems define you. If you don’t know where to start, seek help from someone who does. At the same time, you can learn more on your own. But accept that changing your finances is more about your behavior than your lack of knowledge.

Whether you’re a spender, saver or giver, money should be a tool and not tied to attitude or emotion. In the end, time is wealth. If you’re working yourself silly and spending all of your money on stuff you don’t have time to enjoy, evaluate the true cost — which is, inevitably, your life. Are you getting the value you want? Are your “have to have” things worth that? Separate your wants from needs. Learn to live below your means. Now look at the numbers and at money logically and not emotionally, and start making better choices. Start saving.

 Sara Noel is the owner of Frugal Village (www.frugalvillage.com), a Web site that offers practical, money-saving strategies for everyday living. To send tips, comments or questions, write to Sara Noel, c/o United Media, 200 Madison Ave., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10016, or e-mail sara@frugalvillage.com.