Students' problems coping

with the death of Douglas

High School Athletic Director

Dan Bates may well last

past the memorial held for

him last Friday.

The district provided

counseling for students

through Community Intervention

Associates through

last Friday, said District Superintendent

Sheila Rogers.

Four counselors were on

campus last week to assist

students in coping with the

tragedy, and Rogers said the

district will provide counseling

as long as necessary

for the students.

“It is a very difficult situation

and one that cannot be

easily resolved over a few

days,” she said.

While specifics were not

available, according to the

National Center for School

Crisis and Bereavement, by

the time children complete

high school, most will experience

a death of a family

member or friend, with 5

percent of children experiencing

the death of a parent

by 16 years of age.

Nearly 40 percent will experience

the death of a peer

and 20 percent will have witnessed

a death.

The center says the school

can be the best setting to provide

services to students because:

à Schools provide a familiar

environment.

à Large numbers of students

can be served.

à many children will benefit

from supportive services

that can be readily provided

in a school setting.

ÃStudents coping after the

loss can be monitored over

time and referrals of clinical

services can be facilitated as

needed.

à Parents may be more

willing to accept services

provided in school settings,

where the stigma associated

with mental health services

may be decreased.

Coping with death

According to the National

Association of School Psychologists,

the range of reactions

that children display in

response to the death of significant

others may include:

• Emotional shock and at

times an apparent lack of

feelings, which serve to help

the child detach from the

pain of the moment;

• Regressive (immature)

behaviors, such as needing

to be rocked or held, difficulty

separating from parents

or significant others.

• Explosive emotions and

acting out behavior that reflect

the child’s internal feelings

of anger, terror, frustration

and helplessness. Acting

out may reflect insecurity

and a way to seek control

over a situation for which

they have little or no control;

• Asking the same questions

over and over, not because

they do not understand

the facts, but rather because

the information is so

hard to believe or accept.

Repeated questions can help

listeners determine if the

child is responding to misinformation

or the real trauma

of the event.

The following tips will

help parents support children

who have experienced

the loss of parents, friends,

or loved ones. Some of these

recommendations come

from Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Director

of the Center for Loss

and Life Transition in Fort

Collins, Colorado.

• Allow children to be the

teachers about their grief experiences:

Give children the

opportunity to tell their story

and be a good listener.

• Don’t assume that every

child in a certain age group

understands death in the

same way or with the same

feelings: All children are different

and their view of the

world is unique and shaped

by different experiences.

• Grieving is a process, not

an event: Parents and

schools need to allow adequate

time for each child to

grieve in the manner that

works for that child. Pressing

children to resume “normal”

activities without the

chance to deal with their

emotional pain may prompt

additional problems or negative

reactions.

• Don’t lie or tell halftruths

to children about the

tragic event: They will see

through false information

and wonder why you do not

trust them with the truth.

• Don’t assume that children

always grieve in an orderly

or predictable way: We

all grieve in different ways

and there is no one “correct”

way for people to move

through the grieving

process.